Lesson 13: Place The Sandwich On The Table And Back Away Slowly

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that anonymity breeds stupidity. Take the ridiculous "How's My Driving?" stickers that are slapped on the back of so many service vehicles nowadays. Mind you, this is in the center of a hypocritically judgmental society armed with a heaping dose of cell phones, unlisted numbers, and rotund egos. (I'm actually amazed I don't get complaints more often...) There's me, driving around a town of bored, overworked, undereducated people suffering from a deafening lack of healthy self-image and seething with an angst they don't actually understand, seeing as it was introduced into their tiny little boring lives via osmosis from their most recent trip to the movies. What's this? A delivery truck being driven by a stranger, whom I don't know, and they don't know me? A number to call? I know! I'll take out my anger towards my boss/wife/mother/father/sister/brother/dog/taco bell/president/Taliban/bad meat in the fridge by calling in a complaint against this innocent driver who's only trying to do his job! Way to stick it to the man!

Lesson 12: Hey! Listen!

Click on the "Wisp" link. ----------->

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Lesson 11: Way Of The Unseen Hand

Let me begin this one by stating that I despise cellphones. My wife and I went to a local well-known theme park yesterday. Teenagers: do you really need to whip out your phone that you don't pay for while you're standing in line for the roller coaster and text your best friend telling her that OMG, you're in line for the roller coaster? Pathetic. Wow, you can text in a barely decipherable language at a thumb-blistering 80 words per minute! Am I supposed to be impressed by this?

In my line of work, I see the detrimental effects of cell phone use while driving. Thousands of you out there are thinking, "Well, most people can't multi-task like I can." Newsflash: YOU CAN'T MULTI-TASK WORTH A SHIT. None of you can. Believe me. I'm sure that this morning, Mr. Multi-task himself thought he was being sooo efficient when he drifted into my lane, forcing me almost into a ditch, smashing my driver-side rear view mirror so that the glass blasted through my window and into the hand that was shielding my face. I doubt he knew anything even happened. For one, he was in a huge hick-sized truck, and for two, he was gabbing away on his beloved cellphone.

So do me a favor: Hang up.

*sigh*......now that that's over with, my wife and I had a wonderful time at the theme park. We discovered that she has a liking for margarita-flavored Hawaiian ice smoothies.

Lesson 10: What Makes Truth Hard To Take Is That Society Is Built On Lies

Before I forget, I'll be adding a links list soon. This is to be accessed at one's own risk, seeing as I have incredibly odd taste in humor. It's late, so I'm going to go to bed and edit this post later. For now, enjoy.

Edit: A few links have been added. More to come. For those interested, the Wisp link leads to my wife's blog.

Lesson 9: How To Turn Right In A Left Turn Lane

As I'm sure has been noticed, the subject matter within a post rarely is reflected by the title, or lesson, as it were. Why is this? Because I need, somewhere in my life, a place where things don't make sense and it's ok. I started a blog so that I could have a space on the internet where I can be a moron, and it's fine. Because God forbid you do that anywhere else. See, I've reached that crossroads now, where I have the option of becoming and maintaining a responsible, well-mannered, all-american citizen, or whether to slide back to being a comfortable, self-centered, under-achieving asshole. Yeah, I know. That answer should be a obvious as the choice between ice cream or death. (I should tell you, I am no advocate to the frozen abomination) But apparently it's a more difficult decision than that. No, I'm not going to get religious, here. The Jesus Cannon remains lovingly tucked away, reserved for more dire usage. It's just that I want so badly to become the living embodiment of my potential as a human being, a person, an employee, a father and husband. (To allay any questions forthwith: I have no children. When we have them, you will be informed of it. Do not ask. And don't worry about Big Leon back there with the baseball bat...If you'll spare me the questions, he'll spare you your knees. Capiche?)
But at the same time I want to not care. I wish I could just be whatever I feel like, and let the world screw itself. Much to my joy, though, the responsibility seems to be winning out, albeit slowly.

On a mostly unrelated note: My father visited this weekend. I got to see both my parents in the space of about a week. And my siblings and their respective families. It was good to connect again. Not sure when I'll blip back off the radar, but whenever I do, I'll surface again. I always will.

Lesson 8: Because Sometimes You've Had Enough For A While

Wheeeee, going on hiatus for an indefinite amount of time. Just figured I'd do the courteous thing and keep you all in the loop. Later.

Lesson 7: If You Fall, Try Not To Bring Others Down With You

This last Friday was my first day off I've taken in about 6 months. Not that I haven't tried before, it's just that I would have a day off scheduled, and they would take it away from me. So I drove my point home when a blanket message was sent to all the drivers: "Supervisor needs someone to work the dock tonight and take a line haul truck to the ground hub. $25." we're talking at least 4 more hours of work for 25 dollars. So I messaged back: "I'll do it." Much to the Supervisor's relief.

Upon finishing my route and getting back to the station, I told him I wasn't going to work that night. "But you messaged back that you would!" my now angry and confused supervisor said. "You're right. I told you one thing, and now I'm going to take it back at the last second. Feels great, no?" "Hm. I get your point." he admits. I then told him of my private arranging for another driver to do it. "So I will have this Friday off, correct?"

He agreed, and I had Friday off, the first day off in 6 months that didn't involve personal injury. Sad that I basically had to bully my point across in order to obtain something that should have been my right. Let this be a lesson: The squeaky wheel gets the grease. (However, I should warn you that if a little grease doesn't do the trick, the wheel gets replaced. So don't overdo it.)